we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
