I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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