why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
