Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
