peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
