and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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