we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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