nut hugger
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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