I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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