He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
