What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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