I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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