her vagina looked like bernie madoff
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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