Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Randomize
