GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The air was thick with penises
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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