A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
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