you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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