Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
