somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
i think i just lost a toe
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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