I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
