I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
