my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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