East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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