So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
