one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm like, not good at living.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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