i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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