I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Fuck appropriateness.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
