Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
