need another drink. this is the easiest way
I looked at my own cervix.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
