I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
