i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
