my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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