Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
