I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
