True but thats because hes a fetus.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
When did angry sex become our thing?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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