in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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