I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Houston, we have a blender
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
