You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
