when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
