You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
