i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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