Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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