White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
