So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
