I am in a vortex of obligation.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
