haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
