Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
