Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
