i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
