it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
