why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
