"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
