Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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