i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
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