There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
