everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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