It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
