i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
