I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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