i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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