Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
