This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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