I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
