ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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