Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
