Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
