He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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