i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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