The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
