ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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