there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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