he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
