Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
